The Bright Side

If you ask me, the answer is always the same, without a doubt: the glass is half full. Maybe even 75% full if you want to round it up a bit for good measure. I've always taken a certain pride in the fact that my nature leans strongly towards optimism. I am attracted to positivity, spontaneity, living life to the full, making the best of things, being game for joining in and having a go. All of these things get my pulse racing and my foot tapping and make me think 'Yes! Life is for living!' Poems like this make my heart soar:

I have seen flowers come in stony places And kind things done by men with ugly faces. And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races. So I trust, too.
('An Epilogue', John Masefield)

or

Sometimes things don't go, after all, from bad to worse. Some years muscadel faces down frost: green thrives: the crops don't fail; sometimes a man aims high and all goes well. ... Sometimes our best efforts do not go amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to. The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.
('Sometimes', Sheenagh Pugh)


I've met a lot of people over the years who are self-confessedly of the more pessimistic persuasion, and to my surprise they are generally unapologetic for being so, and in fact often as proud of their 'half empty' dispostition as I am of my contrasting one. After all, they are the ones you can always rely on to have an umbrella or raincoat on their person in the event of rain, and with the best possible insurance for any unfortunate eventuality that may arise, and the ones who thankfully didn't put all their eggs in the one basket, and most definitely didn't dream of counting their chickens before they hatched. By contrast, I often end up wet and bedraggled after a day out, and although, evidently, I have never yet 'caught my death' of cold (as oft knowingly predicted by members of the half empty brigade), it has been known to spoil a good day, especially when you don't have a 'Plan B' and have spent all week imagining the fun in the sun that will surely be had. But often the anticipation has been part of the fun, getting me through a boring week, and if we can have a laugh about it, it can still end up being a memorable and fun event, and if nothing else, a good story. Plus, it feels so good to warm up with a hot cuppa and dry clothes in front of a fire, the colder and more miserable you were, the deeper your appreciation of the comfort afterwards. And although of course I'm not crazy enough to go without house or car insurance, I have to confess I have, at more financially tight moments, been known to 'uncheck' the insurance option on a quicky domestic flight, and to dodge the option of adding mobile phone insurance to my monthly tariff. And I know I would regret this greatly if anything did happen, but hey, 'what are the chances?' ;) (if you're a pessimist reading this I'm guessing that last phrase made you stutter incredulously at the screen or roll your eyes in a defeated manner, or at the very least wince and feel slightly uncomfortable!) And to go down the proverbial route, not only do I tend to put my eggs in the one basket, but I probably pick up the first basket I see, notice it has a slight hole in the bottom, think 'Ah well sure it'll be fine', set the basket on a precariously balanced pile of junk that I haven't bothered to clear up, then as I watch all the eggs crash onto my wooden floor in slow motion, start trying to think of ways of downplaying the catastrophe to my pessimist friends so they don't make a bad situation worse by pouring negativity and despair over it. Talk about walking on eggshells! Or in terms of counting chickens before they hatch, I am likely to have them not only counted, but rounded up to the nearest 10 for good measure, named them all , probably knit hats for them, spent my life savings (and pension- sure who knows I'll probably have married a rich guy by then anyway) on an amazingly brilliant chicken coop and updated my facebook status to something like : 'Deborah is knitting hats for the 300 wonderful healthy chickens that are on the way. Whoop whoop'.

So clearly extreme optimism can tend towards carelessness, naiveté, even sheer stupidity, but conversely, extreme pessimism must surely lead to OCD, misery or anxiety. This makes me wonder, is one disposition really better than the other? (By the way if you're smugly reading this thinking 'Well thankfully I'm neither an optimist or a pessimistic, I'm a 'REALIST', I'm sorry to break to it to you, but realists don't exist, they are just pessimistics with an unrealistic view that their negative view of the world is actually reality. But hey don't mind me, this is just the warped and naive view of an optimist.) So I feel the need to examine this through the lens of a number of different life situations and see what I can conclude.

EXPECTATIONS

This is a discussion I have had a number of times with people who would claim to be more of the pessimistic dispostition. They would agree with Alexander Pope who says 'Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.' There is a certain attraction to this, as there is definitely further to fall if you have let your heart and hopes soar based on the smallest thing, and I know only too well the taste of bitter tears cried when I have let my hopes and imagination fly higher than high, and then come back down to earth with a bump. (and no parachute to soften the blow, as sure what would I need that for-a lot of fuss for nothing!) Is it better to spend months dreading an event, worrying everyone around you and not enjoying your life because of the dark cloud hanging over you, and then enjoy the relief and euphoria of it going better than expected, while everyone around you collapses exhausted from reassuring you over the past months? Or to spend months excitedly building something up, and looking forward to it, planning it, thinking and talking about it ad nauseum, only to find it falls flat and you're left feeling empty and deflated, and you have to pretend everything was great because so many people are asking for a detailed report due to the fact that it's the only thing you've been talking about for weeks. The wisest balance for me in this is in my favourite Proverb, (Prov 4:23) 'Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life'. Whether you're a Christian or not I think there's great wisdom and balance in this for everyone, it's so true that when you let your heart soar, and then it falls, your life can feel like a spring that has dried up, and the impact can be massive on your appetite for life, depending on how much hope you've invested in it. I'm yet trying to work out a way to guard my heart and be careful, without reigning in my positive nature or my enjoyment in anticipating things. If anyone has found the key to this please feel free to share!

CAREFREE/CARELESS

I pride myself in being positive and 'care-free' but I am aware of how there can be an extremely fine line between 'care-free' and plain old-fashioned 'careless'. And I have to admit, more often that not, I am definitely the latter. I leave things to the last minute, I speak first and think later, I leave my handbag sitting unattended in public places, I build important things on the slightest assumption (although as a pessimist friend once quoted: 'To assume makes an ass out of u + me' - geddit?), I don't double check, I don't look before I leap (or sometimes before I pull out, or reverse...) I don't make a rough draft, do a practice run or have a Plan B. As Clement Shorter said, 'An optimist is one who fills in his crossword puzzle in ink'. Guilty! I know these things are really not something to boast about and in fact the way I act often reveals me to be impatient and hasty person rather than a cheery ray of light and I know that as I grow up I may have to consciously and reluctantly try to change my motto from' Cheer up, it may never happen!' to 'Be prepared.'

ATTRACTIVENESS TO OTHERS

Let's be honest- in general, optimists are a lot more fun to be around, and pessimists can quite often rain on the parade. (and NO I didn't bring an umbrella or a sensible coat to said parade.). In terms of spontaneity, fun and excitement when it comes to life outside work and responsibility, optimists are definitely the most fun people to spend your social life with. When you have good news, they celebrate with you and add to the excitement. They never say 'How much will that cost?' or 'Where will you park?' or 'What if it rains?' They can enjoy an evening without glancing at their watch and worrying about leaving early enough to be able to get up for tomorrow's events. With optimists you will probably have a wider range of activities, stay out later, end up doing things or going places you hadn't factored in and really enjoying it. A pessimist will book a taxi early just to allow for the fact that it may end up being 45 minutes late (and then have to leave early when it comes on time), and they are far more likely to stick to what they know because it was good before, and the new thing/place/activity may not be as enjoyable, or as safe a bet. However, to be fair, they are the ones who will have booked a table for an accurate number, so you won't have to stand for an hour waiting for a table at a restaurant, they will be on time for your birthday dinner because they'll have factored in the potential parking hazards and added in an extra 15 minutes just to be on the safe side, and they will definitely never plan a BBQ without a seriously viable plan B.

HEALTH

I have to say, I think this one could end up balancing out evenly, I really wish it was possible to look at real scientific evidence but I don't imagine 'Optimist or pessimist?' is one of the boxes to tick when filling in a form in the hospital waiting room. While a pessimist will surely have more stress-related afflications such as hernias, ulcers, bitten-down nails, on the other hand, they will be the ones to have had regular check-ups, to have every lump and bump examined and every necessary vaccination for every trip. An optimist may have fewer wrinkles on their forehead, but more laughter lines, less stress-related conditions, but a greater chance of crossing the street without looking or tripping over their untied shoelaces. They will leave the deflating tyre for another couple of runs, drive at the same speed whether wet or dry, and not have that nasty chesty cough seen to until it gets a lot worse.
As George Bernard Shaw wrote, 'Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute. ' I love this quotation, and I think every friendship group, family and dare I say, relationship (though please don't say I have to marry a Victor Meldrew type just to balance myself out!) needs to have a balance of both. While there is probably little we can do to change our natural reaction to things and view on the world, I think it's OK to gently poke fun at each other to keep each other self aware and free from unhealthy extremes. And maybe keeping an umbrella in my car boot isn't such a bad idea after all- even though I'll probably never need to use it, right? ;)