Monday, 6 December 2010

Stuffing



I've just been reading the blog post I wrote at almost exactly this time last year. I was twenty-nine years old, flat, work-worn, weary and anxious of letting Christmas pass me by. Is this year any different except for the fact that (gasp!) I'm thirty now?! No, I am feeling almost exactly the same, maybe flatter. Kind of like this year has knocked the stuffing out of me in a variety of ways. I look at how few blog posts I have written since then, a lack of my words on this page perhaps, but that doesn't mean my words haven't spilled out and scattered elsewhere over the year. They have danced and shimmered out, so so many of them, threaded excitedly, lavishly and warmly into a fabric that slowly came threadbare and hopeless in my hands, wastefully fraying into unexpected nothingness. Those ones took my best stuffing as they went. Oh it went back in, not clean and fluffy anymore but tangled up with grit and dirt and flatness. Other words have sprung out of me carelessly and thoughtlessly, taking bits of stuffing out of other people. More recently, words I didn't even know I had, came out in the right order despite myself, and have left me still stuttering and speechless because somehow they have molded an unbelievable and fantastic opportunity for me to give people words in this new year in a very different way and place from before. Lots of carefully chosen words will need to be knitted and purled before then to cast off the transition without holes or unravelling. I will have to choose to weave in the words from myself and from others that bring my finest stuffing back, ignoring the ones that leave me tatty and mouldered. So I wish both for you and for myself the best quality stuffing this festive season. To fill us back up with soft and springy hope and to restore us for whatever weird, wretched and wonderful things the next year on this loop-the-loop may bring.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Fluff


Alright so I have a confession to make. I'm being a little cowardly making it on this blog and not on Facebook but I know this is WAY safer as the Stat Counter tells me my visitors are few and far between at the moment! But enough procrastination, I must get to the point before I lose my nerve. OK here it is, deep breath....drum roll....awkward clearing of the throat....here goes.....I have watched Big Brother this year. More than one episode. In fact, quite a lot more than one episode. And hey, I may as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb...reader, I've been enjoying it. I have been in my little flat of an evening, chuckling, chortling and generally LOL-ing because of this programme. The reason I daren't admit this to anyone is that in the past few months I have seen a couple of people majorly crash and burn on their ill-advised and daring decisions to bring BB into a conversation, in the hope that some like minded soul would admit to sharing the guilty pleasure. But no, I have seen them subjected to a sudden outpouring of scorn, judgement, dismissiveness, and actually extreme rudeness on some occasions, and I have to say this reaction has shocked me a heck of a lot more than anything I have seen on Big Brother this year. Don't get me wrong, I don't need anyone to tell me that it is not an intelligent, highly cultured programme, or that it's not particularly intellectually, morally or spiritually enlightening, but any time I have seen it it has done what it says on the tin: provided amusement, clever and funny tasks this year (really!!), interesting chats and general entertainment enought to have me thoroughly chillaxed before bedtime.
I know that our TV screens are full to bursting with reality TV rubbish, but there does seem to be a hierarchy of what is more or less acceptable than others. Come Dine with me seems to be an example of one that it's fine to admit to watching. (although apart from the interesting recipes it can't really claim to be more high brow than others, the narrator is amusing but cruel and I know that all the more because of the mortification a colleague of mine suffered by going on it and being edited and manipulated beyond belief.) It got me thinking about what gives us the right to judge what I will now call other people's 'fluff time'. I mean let's start off working on the assumption that most of us spend the vast majority of our lives very productively either working or studying. Then let's go crazy and assume in addition to this we spend our time doing many of the following activities: spending time with family and friends, cleaning and tidying, grocery shopping, helping other people, eating, going to church, pursuing hobbies, going to the toilet, praying/meditating, doing exercise, reading intellectual books and sleeping. So really from a time management point of view, unless we are majorly neglecting things that are both essential and important to us and others in our lives, surely for some proportion of the day we are all entitled to a little 'fluff time'. No matter how highly cultured we are, surely each one of us has some 'fluff time' where we need to leave our brain at the door and going into a zone of just floating unthinkingly along. Some may just do this by staring into space but I personally spend mine doing the following: reading Heat (although I have a degree in English and French Literature), going to see romcoms at the cinema (although I often also go to QFT to watch French films too), watching Hollyoaks, Desperate Housewives or indeed Big Brother (although I watch serious and thought provoking documentaries too...sometimes), and going on Facebook (and no this is not a replacement for human contact, no I'm not addicted to it, yes I still actually speak to people in person and on the phone, I still send text and e mails and sometimes even snail mail), and listening to cheesy pop music (and I have a Grade 5 in Piano, Clarinet and Music Theory but I still enjoy chilling out to a cheesy and repetitive tune with vacuous lyrics that reminds me of a happy time or just gets my foot tapping). Your list is probably different to mine, and I would really love to hear it if you get a chance to post it below! You may roll your eyes, shoot me down, or mercilessly mock me for some of my choices on the list but have a think of what your own 'guilty pleasures' involve and tell me if they are really superior to mine. And surely enjoying a small amount of well earned 'fluff time' is more harmless than being mean and trying to judge or belittle people for how they use theirs, even if it's under the thinly veiled disguise of an attempt at humour. Dang, this has ended up pretty ranty, hasn't it? But do I have a point? You decide.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

it's all a lot of oysters




Well I can't believe we are already here, this less glistening side of the festive season. All the sparkly stuff done and dusted and packed up into the boxes again for another year. I love the way older Portadown people (well the ones I make small talk with at work anyway) seem to love saying 'Well, did you get Christmas and New Year over you OK then?' As if it's some kind of lingering illness we all have to endure and manage to come out of triumphantly. Quoi? Je ne comprends pas du tout! But but...Santa delivered! Festivities abounded! Friends, fun, family, chilling, food, shopping and laughter all mingled harmoniously together in a blissfully timeless snowglobe-esque haven ! (Yes I have my rose-coloured glasses firmly in place already!) Every time I am greeted with these confusing words I feel like spluttering and saying "Em- hold the phone, my acquaintance/colleague/fellow user of the photocopier. I think you'll find the REAL question is 'Did you get the depressing, stinking, horrible, Sunday-night-blues-inducing, bleak, drab, sombre, leaden, cheerless, grim, dismal, dark return to work over you OK??'" (Yes I got a Thesaurus for Christmas! You can thank my brother and his final chance to take advantage of having been associated with Chambers dictionaries...) But I don't say that of course, I just mumble something about back to porridge and isn't it cold.

I have to admit though that once I get over my initial sulk of getting back to reality, I kind of don't mind this calmer, less pressured time of the year. Where you can say to the diminished number of students who have actually braved the disgusting slush to come in to class, 'Let's just take it easy and see how we get on today, eh?', instead of the all-singing, all-dancing, all-teeth rottingly sugary (literally) extravaganza of a class Christmas party I'll have been enthusiastically pulling out of the bag last time I saw them. Much as I love the annual festivities with them, it is quite nice to be able to just turn up and be calm and gently warm up to being productive once more. I have enjoyed not one, but a record-breaking TWO evenings in this week, pottering, doodling some plans for 2010 in a crisp new notebook. It's nice to feel that freshness and possibility lie ahead. I just hope that I don't make like the snow in Portadown too soon and turn it all into a murky, turbid, tenebrious (thanks again bro/Chambers) disappointingly grey slush. Sometimes somewhere between the fresh-start-feeling of a new year and the first broken resolution, things tend to get a bit bleak and hopeless feeling. (it's called January/February) That's why it's good to cling to things that cheer and encourage you amid such potential dreariness. One such thing I have been enjoying recently is a blog I have on my list here called Stuff Christians Like. Do check it out if you haven't already. It is my new lunch time companion, I think I can literally now say I check it every single day! It kind of gently pokes fun at the habits and quirks of Christian culture and the write Jon Acuff is really sarcastic and hilarious. Anyway it is mostly very silly and funny, but he has started a feature called Serious Wednesdays and I always get sooo much from his gracious, honest style of writing. Yesterday's one just set me up for the whole year (I hope!) so I am going to post it on here so I don't forget to keep coming back to it. I hope I remember to return to it every time I get that feeling, as penned by Counting Crows' genuis frontman Mr Duritz, that 'it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls'. And it has reminded me once more to 'be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord.'(Ps 24:18) Enjoy.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/01/looking-for-goliath/
(sorry can't get this to be a proper link so you will just have to copy and paste it into your browser!)