Bloggings of yore

I had some leisure time over the Easter holidays and ended up digging out some amusing old pictures both of the retro childhood era, and the cringeworthy awkward teen era, which in my case also sadly lasted for most of my university years! Whilst looking through old memorabilia, I also discovered some amusing evidence of my early 'bloggings' in the mid -80's'. My sister and I were made to write a diary every night before we went to bed, and it makes for fascinating reading! Who knows- maybe that's what first got me into the zone of reflective writing! (though I do remember it being a chore at the time!) Perhaps this is completely self-indulgent but I have decided to scan some of them in and share them on here, just for the retro novelty value.
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Ah life seemed so simple in those days- I wonder if it really was as simple as these one line snapshots imply! OK so this next one seems a bit hard to read but I found it amusing. It was from my P3 school news book, which was a weekly thing that started off with some class news given by the teacher and then we added our own news to it. I love how the fact that I 'kept-on getting change' was the best news I had to offer that week- especially the 5p I had left to 'spend' at church 'at Sunday'. Ha ha!
(not sure why this bit has gone into an extra small font, but there you go- can't seem to change it!)

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This next one is for Ali P's benefit- yes one of your guys' visits made it into my news (maybe not that much of a compliment due to the previous item that made the headline- getting change!) and I even managed to draw a picture, although it looks like I didn't have time to finish colouring it in! (and I don't actually think you're in the pic due to the fact you were at home playing with David!)

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Wow my love life wasn't that bad in August 1985 going by the first entry in this next one!
I love how the fact that I was 'shivery' on Tuesday 20th August translated so clearly into my writing style in that day's entry! One expressive advantage of pen and paper as opposed to a keyboard!

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The terrible spelling in this next entry is what makes it so amusing to me. Look for for clangers including 'haliluya' 'yuneform' (say what you see!) and 'supost' (again a logical attempt in its own way!)
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This is my attempt at giving an account of my cousin Kathryn's birth, and I still remember being quite traumatised when I heard she was blue and 'chocking' when she 'came out of the tummy' due to something around her neck 'not put on properly' -later known as the umbilical cord, interesting the way in which my little brain must have computed the explanation I was given! And I have no idea why there is such a massive light shining on to the bed, or why my aunt is so tiny! Or it could be the baby...hard to say really...including the visitor on the left hand side who has an interesting non-human appearance!
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A year later and I have started my attempt at 'joined-up writing'. I was never any good at it. Interesting glimpse into 7 yr old child growing up in NI- 'Bomb went off in Enniskillen' right next to an entry about walking home with my sister, just another regular day-to-day event?
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Well...looks like my font has gone small again...I'm as good at controlling this as I ever was at my joint writing!! (ie, not very!)

Just a small glimpse into a fun era of life and I'm glad to have it all on paper still.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll look back at these as the fun times and be glad I kept a blog- although I sincerely hope I won't be cringing as much at my bad spelling!

green grass and monsters

Have you ever looked at someone and just thought 'I want their life!'. And have you ever managed to have that thought without it being directly followed by something along the lines of 'It's not fair!' or 'Ungrateful so-and-so' or 'Bet she has cellulite, ha!' I have to admit that when it comes to the syndrome of the grass being greener over the fence, 'monster' is sometimes a mild term to describe the spirit of the girl looking on behind these hazel eyes. However, it's interesting to note that, conversely, when I'm on what is perceived to be the lush and lively side of the fence, and can sense a jibe or a vibe coming my way from 'next door', sometimes I find myself acting like something of a monster as well.

Of course I know that in both situations I have to rein myself in, but it's interesting to look at the way we act and react when things are looking pretty in our back yard, and what an impact this can have on friendships and peace of mind. To give a mild example: as a teacher-type person I get a sickening, disgustingly good amount of holidays. So when it comes up to times like Christmas, Easter and summer, I have to start to prepare myself for some indirect bristlings and even some direct attacks, sometimes very thinly and unconvincingly disguised as banterous sparring. Because I know this to be the case, I try not to boast too much about the length of my hols and to only disclose the amount of time I'm off for when probed. Through trial and error I've learned that a defensive bark about how 'I've earned it!' is generally not going to go down very well, and that is of course because most people also work extremely hard and deserve a very long break. So I have learned not to do this, and that to smile and graciously say something about how it seems unfair and we all work hard usually has a much more placating effect. Similarly to say 'Well we all sat at the same crossroads with the careers advisor and you chose to take a different route' is not going to be that helpful or endearing either, I've learned, especially if the person didn't have the opportunity to go to university or have parental support and funding.

Even though I believe in my heart of hearts that it is unfair that I should get such a generous helping of leisure time while others struggle on equally tired, why is it that I always have to make a conscious effort to quell my initial instinct to make a jibe back, when I know they are already feeling the unfairness of the situation? Is it because jealously is an ugly weed that I want to yank from my pretty yard because it's spoiling my lovely flowerbeds, or is it deeper than that? Why does it make us so uncomfortable when we can sense people looking on us with envy? I'm using the very mild and neutral example of holidays but there are a whole lot more deeply personal and heart-wrenchingly, soul-tramplingly painful examples out there, from both sides of the fence. Does it make us panic because we fear we don't have a 'get-out clause' when we mess up because others are thinking we have it easy? Is it because we don't get to indulge in a 'poor me' moment without feeling extremely guilty and ungrateful? Or perhaps it's because we crave the approval of others and know this is removed when others are looking on us with scorn, or not-so-secretly hoping for us to mess up. And sometimes it could be because we keenly feel the pain of the other person and we know there is nothing we can do about it, and we know that the joy of our green grass is exacerbating their pain by the mere fact that it is existing, growing and thriving, but we wouldn't, couldn't, and indeed shouldn't give it up for the mere reason that someone looking on is longing for growth but choking on deadly weeds. And maybe the helplessness caused by this feeling, and the fact that we care deeply for the other person, can cause us to snap at them, or try to minimise their pain, or give them a pep talk out of it, or try to stick a band aid on it, or worse, start avoiding them and the negativity they can bring into our lives.

Obviously we've all been on both sides of the fence, often in multiple ways at the same moment, sometimes in ways we don't even realise. Someone said to me recently about how they find Mother's Day so painful and also every time they see someone out walking around the shops with their mum on an ordinary Saturday, they feel such a stab of pain and envy, and sense of loss. This is something I hadn't even realised, and obviously take so much for granted, and something that some others would give their right arm to still be able to enjoy. By contrast, from the other side of the fence, I have to keep reminding myself that people's lives aren't perfect just because they're in love or have a massive home or lots of babies. I have found that it is useful -although not always easy, or natural- to apply how helpless I feel when others look at me with jealousy about other aspects of my life, and then to try and remember that the people I envy have not supped a magic potion of happiness and perfection, they still struggle with the difficulties of life, and often even more so because of what they have received. This enables a positive cycle to continue, as sometimes a lack of communication can feed the myth that the other person's life is sickeningly perfect and a bed of thorn-free roses. This is the beauty of community, and it's sad that barriers can be put up in so many directions between people who really need each other to point out the good things in each other's lives, and to share the pricks from the thorns, or stings from the nettles.

I heard a saying once, I think it was by someone like Woody Allen, and it goes something like 'Some days you're the statue, and other days you're the bird.' It's good to remember this, and whether we seem to be thriving, or want to curl up and die, or anything in between, to realise that how we interact with others in these circumstances, can have the power to make or break important friendships, friendships we may desperately need for all the changing times in our kaleidoscopic lives as we oscillate between vibrant green and sun-withered brown grass. And if our inner monster needs an occasional outlet, I guess there's always Heat magazine's 'What were you thinking' or 'Stars without make up' to give us a sneaky cackle over the fence.

Driven crazy

I have had so many irksome experiences as a motorist recently, I've decided to try to vent my frustrations by putting them into a blog post. By the end of this post you may no longer think of me as a nice person, but hopefully through the process of venting I hope I will be cleansed of some of my rage and consequently become a more agreeable person, both on the road, and in real life! I am planning to categorise my frustrations into different types. If you agree with any of them, let me know, and feel free to share your own...or to tell me I'm a psycho!

Pull out Slowus Annoyingus
This is possibly the biggest of my frustrations, not least because it happens to me most frequently of all. Yes, you have seen me coming along the road, at approximately 50 miles per hour, yet you still decide 'La la la, let's just mosey on out here at 0.2 miles an hour and saunter along not much faster without even bothering to check whether or not a near pile-up has been caused behind'. It is so maddening to have to slow down suddenly and dangerously to a quarter of my speed and then remain at a snail's pace for the rest of my journey just because some people cannot judge the speed of oncoming vehicles! Boo! Rahhh! Etc .

Left Turnimus Eternimus
I get that turning right can sometimes be a lengthy process, it's one of those things that just has to be accepted as part of the package deal of life. However there is nothing more frustrating than when someone is turning left and s....l....o....w....s r....i.........g.............h...............t d......................o..................w..............n to a gearbox bustingly impossible non-speed, even though you could see for miles that the street they were turning into is a wide open paddock and about as free from potential obstacles as the great plains of Siberia. Best to just check though, by grinding to an absolute halt, often without any indication whatsoever, right?? NOOO!

Learnimus Slowimus
Yeah yeah, we've all been there, blah-di-blah, poor them etc etc, so the only thing I can really justifiably say is, PLEASE try to avoid rush hours. Or Sunday mornings when I'm very late for church. Or Saturday mornings when I'm running late for Tae Kwon Do.

Mid life Crisimus
No I will not exchange glances with you at the traffic lights- your gleaming sports car does not hide the fact that you are at least 300 years old and clearly have a toupé.

Tartanus Blanketus/ Cushionus
Good luck to anyone stuck behind a car displaying either tartan blankets, embroidered cushions, worse still, a range of cuddly toys. I guarantee you are in for a tooth-grindingly sloooooowwwww ride.

Espacimus
Also likely to drive irratatingly slowly and/or erratically, worse for the fact that it's impossible to see past the bulking great, oafsome contraption. (sorry to anyone who drives one, I know they're very handy for kids etc etc)

Bodily Fluidus
OK I acknowledge this one is a bit 'out there' but I would like to note that I have never seen a car that is the same colour as a bodily fluid (pee, snot, poo, vomit) driving at a reasonable speed (ie over 10 miles an hour). I'm not sure why this is, but if anyone knows any exceptions to the rule, or can think of any explanation for the above, do let me know.






Tractorus Ignoramus
Apparently in other countries, tractor drivers actually have the courtesy of pulling over every few miles to let the stream of cars that has built up behind them pass. Tractor drivers around my area have clearly never heard of this concept. Oh the minutes, nay, HOURS of my life I will never regain due to ignorant tractor drivers around my area. Please SOMEONE tell me there is a law or a number I can call to report them!!

Cyclimus Pestimus
Yes I know this will be controversial- but I have to let it out of my system and then I can start working through it-Just get your shiny lycra-covered butt off the flipping road and out of my way! There I've said it, now let the healing begin!

Pedestrianus Jovialus
I first encountered this specimen last week when making a right turn across a busy dual carriageway into a petrol station. There was a car coming in the distance but I knew I had time to nip across.... that is until mid-swing I noticed a man on foot who saw me coming, but still made the decision to dander across the road I was aiming for, giving me a jovial and apologetic wave as he put on a 'fake-exagerrated' jog, which was really nothing more than a slow shuffle- very nearly putting me in the dilemma of slowing down and getting crashed into by oncoming vehicle, or ploughing straight into his' jovial 'self. Not.impressssed.

Followus Dangerous
This can be terrfiying and recently was nearly the death of me on the Lisburn Road, with a full carload of Chinese students in tow, might I add. I had pushed my nose out to check there was nothing coming, and the car behind me immediately followed, making it impossible for me to retreat and get out of the way of the oncoming traffic. Chaos ensued, it was extremely dangerous and I'm actually quite surprised we all got out alive!

Queue Jumperus Arrogantus
Yes I would rather run the risk of crashing into the car in front of me than letting some arrogant and selfish driver in at the last minute when the closure of their lane has been warned about for the past 20 miles. I can't stand it when people think they are above waiting in a queue like the rest of us. We're all in a hurry too, bucko!

Green Light Ditherumus
It is almost unbearable when you are waiting in a queue of traffic, knowing that the lights stay red for a very long time, and green for a split second, yet the person at the front of the queue either DOESN'T NOTICE the lights have changed, or decides to take 3 years to get organised, meaning only about 2 other cars get though. There should definitely be a penalty against this, especially at the end of my road when the traffic lights can stay red for up to 3 full minutes at a time.

Door Bangus
It is extremely annoying to have a passenger who thinks nothing of banging the passenger door of your car against another car while making their exit, and worse still, has the cheek to laugh when you ask them not to. The sound of my passenger door being bashed off another car is a million times worse than the nails-down-the-blackboard effect to me, and I will not be impressed if you do it in my car, especially if you are not suitably apologetic, and especially if it happens more than once! (and yes this has happened before!).

One thing almost as annoying happened to me a few weeks ago when a middle aged woman banged her car door against mine quite violently a number of times when loading up her car with shopping. I was sitting in my car at the time, and horrible person that I have become, actually rolled down my window and said 'Excuse me, you're actually hitting my car quite hard, I'm worried you're going to damage it', to which the lady patronisingly replied, 'Don't be silly dear, I'm hardly touching it'. BANG BANG BANG. (that was the door again and not me fantasising about violence...though believe me, by that point, I was getting there!)

Another similar incident occurred last week when I had to park in a very tight spot because the driver on one side was so badly parked, and well over the line. Just after I had returned and was preparing to drive away, the owner of the badly parked car returned, and looked at me with hatred, presumably for parking so close to her, and deliberately banged her door off mine while getting in!! If I wasn't on the high of just having collected a Chinese takeaway I would have raged but soon my angry thoughts were replaced by 'Mmmm prawn crackers...'







Roadimus Ragimus

I was stuck behind a slow van on my way to work last week and the man behind me was clearly having none of it. Whilst turning left off a roundabout, he attempted to do a very dangerous cut along my left hand side, where there wasn't even a lane, so I veered over slightly to ensure this foolish (and pointless, as the obstruction was still in front of me) move did not occur. When I happened to glance in my rearview mirror the guy was doing the strangest miming of giving me a mock exagerrated round of applause. To be honest I have no exact idea why, he looked a bit strange and pathetic but I guess the road rage just got the better of him. Poor guy, he really needs to get some anger management classes under his belt. Or failing that, some blog-o-therapy;) Thanks for putting up with mine, peeps! :)